were on the summit of a mountain, so high that the valleys
were invisible. The sky was perfectly clear and colourless.
The summit of the mountain was covered with rich pastures.
In these pastures, four herds of cows were grazing, guarded
by four cowherds. These herds were at an equal distance
from one another, thus forming approximately the four corners
of a square. Each guardian had his own very particular appearance
and characteristics. "He" was seeking something
that he wanted to express and make effective, and for this
he lacked certain elements. These elements lay beyond the
summit of the mountain and He was asking me if there was
any way of going there to fetch them. The question was voiced
aloud and all the cows of the herd that was nearest to us
bounded towards Him, lowing with delight. The man who was
leading them, tall, strong, stocky, clothed in animal skins,
white-skinned and very hairy, with black, shaggy hair and
a square face, went towards Him and said to Him in a loud
voice, "I put myself entirely at your disposal, my
cows want to serve you and so do I. I shall lead them to
the place where the elements of knowledge you want to acquire
are lying and we shall bring them to you."
he was speaking, the herd which was on the right in the
same line drew near, led by its guardian, who was interested
and came to listen. He was tall, thin, sumptuously dressed,
with smooth skin, an oval, elongated face and very black
and silky hair falling to his shoulders. One part of his
garment was red, but there were several other colours. He
was friendly and well-disposed. But he did not offer his
- The Mother
were advancing along the broad white highway which led to
our goal, when at a fork in the road we saw a great number
of people massing and huddling together with expressions
of terror. We wonder why as we proceed on our way, when
we hear ourselves being called by a shepherd dressed in
white, who tells us to join the people on the bank by the
roadside. And in answer to our enquiry, he tells us that
an enormous herd of cows and bulls has been kept prisoner
until now, but that the time has come to let them loose,
that the rope which is holding them back will be removed,
and that they are going to charge and are likely to destroy
everything in their path. I reply, "Indeed these creatures
are full of vigour and sometimes even of apparently blind
violence, but for people such as we two who are walking
straight on our way, there is nothing to fear; bulls have
never done us any harm." But the shepherd insists,
saying that it is really something exceptional and unprecedented.
So as not to vex him we stop and stand by the roadside in
front of the crowding people. But there again he insists,
saying, "Not there, not there, you will be trampled
down, behind." And he makes us stand behind all the
others, back from the side of the road.
that moment, in the distance, I catch sight of the immense
herd of cows and bulls; the rope that held them back is
removed and they surge forward, charging straight in front
of them; and if anyone had been in their path, they would
certainly have trampled him down. When all have passed,
the leader of the herd, who had been kept until last, is
let loose. He is a splendid, enormous white bull. Instead
of following the same path as the others, he turns to the
right, in front of us, following the descending path. But
after a moment he stops, looking for something, does not
find it, retraces his steps, and finally stations himself
just in front of me. Then I see that it is a triple bull,
composed of three bulls closely bound together. One of the
three (the middle one, I think) was a little less white
than the two others. To my left there was a priest who,
at the sight of this enormous creature charging upon us
and halting just in front of me, is seized with a great
fear. And in his fright he begins to move restlessly. Then
I say to him, "Well then, what about your faith in
God? If He has decided that you are to be trampled down
by this bull, won't you find that His will is good?"
Rather ashamed of himself, he wants to look brave, so he
starts talking to the bull and giving him friendly pats
on the muzzle. But the powerful creature was beginning to
lose patience. And I was thinking, "With his fear,
this fool will really end up by causing a disaster."
"We had better go away," I said, turning towards
"Him". And without any further care for the bull,
we set out on our way once more. We have scarcely taken
a few steps on the road when we see the bull quietly passing
beside us, calm and strong. A little farther on, I see another
bull coming in the opposite direction, all reddish-brown,
with a wild and ferocious look, charging with its huge horns
pointed forward. I look back towards "Him", walking
a few steps behind me, and I say to him, "This one
is the really dangerous creature, the one that is alone
and going in the opposite direction to the others. This
one has evil intentions. It cannot even see us because we
are on the straight path and are protected. But I am much
afraid for the others." Still a little farther on we
hear a galloping sound behind us, as if the ferocious bull
were coming back with others. I feel that it is time for
us to reach the goal. At that moment the road seems to be
closed; in front of us there is a door that I want to open,
but my hand slips on the knob and I cannot turn it. And
yet time is pressing. Then I distinctly hear the deep Voice,
"Look." I look up, and right in front of us, beside
the closed door, I see a wide-open door leading into a square
room which is the goal. And the voice resumes, "Enter.
That is where all the doors are to be found and you will
be able to open them all."
a feeling of great peace and tranquil strength ..I woke
- The Mother
last night you gave me a dream.
This is what I remember of it:
At the top of a very high tower standing on a high mountain,
in a room so vast that it seemed to be low, I was leaning
against the far wall, and facing me was a window looking
outside. On my left a raised throne with several steps,
and on the throne sat the Lord of Nations. This I knew although
I had not looked at him. To my right at the far end of the
immense room, in a kind of alcove lit from above, sat a
young womana nation. She was a small, dumpy child
with very dark hair and a pale and mat complexion. She had
put on a wedding-dress, with a crown of white flowers on
her head (the dress was mostly white with some blue and
a few touches of gold). I knew that I had helped this nation
to dress in this way, and to climb the mountain and the
tower to come up to the room. She had come to offer herself
as a bride to the Lord of Nations, and for this purpose
she was to undergo a series of ordeals that the Lord wanted
to impose upon her in order to know whether she was worthy
of him. These ordeals were the ordeals of Terror.
the first ordeal he had a full glass as well as a decanter
brought to her. And she was to drink the contents of both.
To her they seemed to be bloodhuman blood newly shed.
And He, from the height of his throne, was saying to her,
"Drink this blood to show that you are not afraid."
The poor child was trembling with disgust and did not dare
touch the ghastly beverage. But at that hour, Lord, You
had given me the full consciousness and power of the Truth.
From where I stood I could clearly see the transparent purity
of the water which the glass and the decanter really contained.
And while the child was still hesitating and the Lord was
taunting her in a biting tone, "What! you are trembling
already! This is yet only the first ordeal, the easiest
of all, what will you do next?"
Then, heedless of the consequences, I cried to the child
in a language that the Lord did not understand, "You
can drink without fear, it is only water, pure water, I
swear it." And the child, trusting in my word that
dispelled the suggestion, began to drink calmly...
because of the force with which I had spoken, the Lord suspected
something and turned towards me in fury, rebuking me for
speaking when I should not. To which I repliedstill
heedless of the consequences which I knew to be inevitable"What
I say is not your concern since You cannot understand the
language I have used!"
Then the memorable thing happened.
room suddenly grew as dark as night and in this night a
still darker form appeared, a form I perceived distinctly
although no one else could see it.
This form of darkness was like the shadow of the light of
Truth within me. And this shadow was Terror.
the fight began. The being, whose hair was like furious
serpents, moving with hideous contortions and terrible gnashing
of teeth, rushed upon me. If with only one of her fingers
she were to touch my breast at the place of the heart the
great calamity for the world would occur, and this had to
be avoided at all costs. It was a fearful battle. All the
powers of Truth were concentrated in my consciousness; and
nothing less was needed to fight against so formidable a
foe as Terror!
endurance and strength in combat were remarkable. At last
came the supreme moment of the fight. We were so close to
each other that it seemed impossible that we should not
touch, and her outstrehed finger drew nearer, threatening
that precise moment the Lord of Nations, who could see nothing
of the tragic battle, stretched out his hand to take something
from a small table at his side. This handunawarespassed
between my opponent and myself. I was then able to take
support from it and Terror, for this time definitely vanquished,
sank to the ground like a dark dust without power or reality...
recognising the one who sat on the throne, and doing homage
to his power, I leant my head upon his shoulder and said
to him joyfully, "Together, we have conquered Terror!"
was my dreamand with it You gave me the full understanding
For all this I give thanks to You, as for a priceless gift.
January - 1 February [1915?]