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Pavitra's Notebook
Page 8

Saturday, September 4, 1926

This week has not been as favourable as the last one. And it is a curious fact, for last week I was very busy outside; but when I came home, I entered easily into meditation, body, vital and mind submitted to it. It may be that I am now going through the consequences of the disturbance, consequences which did not appear at first. My body is slothful, my mind is restless. So there is not much to say.
What is the reason of the fact that progress is always made by fits and starts, never straightforwardly?

It is always so. Different movements enter into play at different times—the important thing would be to discern whence they come. And the most obstinate movements always recur until they are completely transformed.

You spoke of two ways. One direct to the supermind through the mind, the other by the opening of the psychic being. Are they really two different paths? And what are their characteristics?

Yes, there are two movements. Sometimes the mind opens first to the light and the supermind works then through the mind and uses the machinery of mind. Sometimes the psychic being, which is always behind—without a psychic aspiration nothing in this Yoga is possible—comes forward. There is then no mental illumination, but a burning fire which turns the whole being upwards. It makes then the progress easy. Afterwards of course the whole machinery of nature is also directed from above, but the mental movement is not the chief one.

What is the nature of Carpenter's illumination? (Edward Carpenter, 1844-1929, English writer and social reformer whose later works express in particular a certain perception of the unity of all existence.)

It is difficult to say, I don't know him.

But judging from his writing…

It does not indicate much—for it may be only an awakening of the intuitive mind.

Sometimes my aspiration is very intense, but when the mind resumes again its working, it covers it to some extent.

Mind must remain, but mind must be transformed. And so also with the vital and the physical. They must completely yield themselves and not only accept the pressure which is put by the mind.

This I understand now. From my experience with the theosophists I can say that they try only to overrule the lower bodies by the mind, but never try to go into these levels and transform them. I understand that the consciousness of these planes must yield to the higher light and accept by itself the transformation.
I suppose that in my case I am following the way through the mind?

Yes, the mental movement is predominant. That is why it is slow.

(Smiling)… But it does not mean unfitness!

Not at all. There are always difficulties—in each case—for instance when the vital and physical are opening ; for everything that is there concealed comes out.

In my case the central acceptation is done and I think that even the vital and physical accept the change.

But the question is whether they accept it for themselves or on account of the pressure put upon them by the mind.

…! …that I don't know.
Now, will you tell me something about the photos?

Not very favourable.

?

She is a vital woman. She moves only on the vital plane.

I knew that. But is there nothing psychic about her?

I don't see anything. Mental aspiration there may be, but it is not sufficient. I may say that she is not safe in the spiritual life.

But will not a time come when she will open to something higher?

What do you mean by a time?

I mean in this life…

Everything is possible. It would be rather a miracle.

There is something curious. They could have come here. They had the opportunity of doing so. She went to Europe, landed at Colombo but did not come here. He is now going back from the Far-East, but crosses Siberia...

I don't know much about him, but she is not intended for this place.

Then it is better not to try to bring them to this Yoga?

Yes, you should leave them to follow their path.

Saturday, September 11, 1926

In mediation I feel myself distinct from the mind. I can see my mind working. But the curious thing is that my mind seems to remain connected with the body and I watch it from outside. I see from outside the form-building mind, the speaking mind, and when sounds come from outside, they appear to happen inside that mind. But all this is in the body, so to say, and I am in front of my body, looking at it. Not from above.

When the force comes down, it has a dissolving power over the mental formations. I can now use this power for placing before the force the mental formations I want to get rid of. This power liberates me and I feel a sensation akin to floating. I never go above, but forward—but I never succeed in cutting all connection with the active mind and moving freely on my own plane.

It is not a usual movement. Generally one goes above the body or finds some broadness where there is no location of consciousness.

I don't feel this wideness—of course I cannot be very positive about the location of my consciousness. As soon as I try to think of this location in space I find myself again within the body. Is this movement to be encouraged?

I suppose it is a movement on the mental plane, but we have to see.

As I said I am conscious of the dissolving power of the force coming from above. It goes down to the navel centre and works from there. I cannot say yet how it works. But, at times, a sense of vital power rises.

I am fully conscious from above of vital movements rising. For instance a movement of pride arises. It comes out from the navel. And I realise it as distinct from myself. But what shall I do with it? Up to the present time I merely tried to force it down and bar its coming into the conscious field. But I think it is not right.

No. That is what people ordinarily do. But it simply suppresses the vital movements. You have to call down the same power that dissolves the mental formations and apply it to open the vital. You have to watch and understand the movements, see how they rise, what supports them in nature. The full understanding of this is necessary.

I did so instinctively. And I offer these movements, impure as they may be, to the Divine, that he may transform them.

Mother told me yesterday that the awakening of the psychic in me depended much upon an attitude of mine. Can you tell me something more about this attitude?

She did not say anything else?

No.

…It is difficult to say. (Silence) this attitude can only become permanent when the mental is no longer the prominent factor in life. It all comes to the same thing…. You have to rely upon the power that comes from above and realise that it is something more than a power….

The divine as personality?

We are always using mental words that mislead. Yes, it is true that it is the support of all personality. The Vedantic standpoint of the impersonal absolute, which has spread so much in the later years, is only one aspect of the truth. It applies very much to the mind, especially to the modern mind, but when the consciousness rises above mind, it is clearly seen as a partial aspect of the truth. It is the power that has personality as a guna. It uses the impersonal to rise above the limited egoism of our personalities. The impersonal view of the divine is somewhat larger than our personal conception, limited by our mind. But it is mind that limits personality. It has an existence above mind. You have to recognise that the power is not a mere power.

It is true that, for the present, I only see it as a working power.

Because you are always in the mind. But when the psychic opens you cannot retain this standpoint. It becomes too vivid and too real.

Have I to rise in the supermind for that?

The psychic opening will raise you to that.

Up to my coming here I stuck to the Vedantic idea of impersonality and even now I cannot realise with the mind what is truly meant by divine personality. How can the mind take the right attitude?

It can call for it. When it will get a glimpse of it, it will more easily put itself in the right movement.

Last night I had a dream:
I was with others, probably sadhaks, and Mother was there. I was given a book. This book was written in French, but in purely a phonetic way, not taking any account of the orthographic rules. Even some new phonetic signs were used. It was new to me and somehow I had the idea it was written by you, Mother and P. R. I could not understand anything of it. Looking through the book I noticed some misprints. I showed them to Mother who said, "It is strange. I took so much care to have it corrected before having it printed". I also asked for some information from you who were in the adjoining room. You answered me in Sanskrit, which I could not understand. I went to you. You were in bed, and as far as I remember taking breakfast. I bowed to you with very deep feelings of devotion and aspiration and remained sometime prostrated with a blank mind. Then you touched me with your hand and I underwent a change of consciousness of which I don't remember anything. After sometime I came down again. You kissed me twice and I departed with very high feelings. The vividness of the dream and the strength of the feelings struck me. I awoke; it was half past two.


As for the book, I don't see very well. It may have been something of the past. Something took place probably on the vital plane, and it is not always easy to interpret.

But did I come into your presence?

Not to the physical. Some vital happening occurred and that is why you saw me in such a way.

Why was it so vivid?

Once you enter the mental and vital planes, they are as real as the physical.

Perhaps some mixture came from my mind with regard to the book. But the last part was of a different character.
I related the dream to Mother. She said:

This is not surprising. We spoke of you several times during the day yesterday, in connection with the difficulties of the western mind. Even yesterday evening, concerning something which happened in you during the evening gathering and of which you are perhaps not conscious. Also it is not surprising that there was some thought on his side about you. And as I too spoke with you yesterday, on your side also there was aspiration… So much the better, this shows that the time is drawing near when you will be able to receive the light. Keep what you have received.

Tuesday, September 14, 1926

Mother spoke with A.G. about my difficulties in meditation. Today she took me aside and we meditated together for half an hour, at 4.30. The force prepared above my head, then descended, particularly to the level of the mind and tried to open the mind. Outer thoughts were kept at a distance, though they tried to penetrate.
The day was not particularly well chosen, for I have been meditating with difficulty since some days.
Later, after having heard what I had felt, Mother told me:


Yes, the force descended. It descended right to your feet; but in the lower regions it was rather outside than within.

At the beginning you had a very strong aspiration. Then something must have disturbed you; all the time there remained a peaceful and calm aspiration. You have a power of aspiration but it has been almost completely strangled by the mind.

The force which descended at first is a force of wisdom, of pure knowledge which descended to the level of the solar plexus. There, there was a sort of order to open the mind. There was an opening but it had a geometrical form: a triangle. And within, a sort of representation of the idea you have formed of the divine.

A force of calm, a silence, descended afterwards. You say you did not feel it. Yet it was there and you will perhaps feel it soon. Much more descended than what you are aware of at present. But it is not lost for the subconscious and it will be realised little by little. There is in you a great capacity of calmness, which may serve as a useful base for a descent and subsequent manifestation.

Yet in that, in this calm, there was Ananda.
There was some response in the lower centre, but the response was feeble and mostly recorded by the subconscient.

In short, I do not think this will take very long now. There is a certain rigidity in the mind, but that is common to all westerners.

Did the force descend as far as the vital plane also?

Yes, naturally, and even on the physical, but outside you rather than within.

There is certainly a great difference from my ordinary meditations. Now I feel, perhaps better than during the meditation, that there is something there quite close, which descended.

Saturday, September 18, 1926

Mother must have told you about our meditation of last Tuesday. After the meditation I felt very deeply the presence of a great calm force which was behind me. It did not enter my consciousness but I felt it nevertheless backing me.

When in meditation, the divine force comes readily down. It works through the navel centre on the vital and also it seems on the physical. There is not any powerful vibration of the lowest centre, but I feel as if a force was expanding in the physical itself. It seems to me quiet distinct from the vital.

You say it expands?

…I would rather say it permeates the subtle physical part of the body. But I am not perfectly sure of it. Let us wait and see.

Behind the chest centre, which is always very active, I feel the presence of something and from there my aspiration goes above and unites with the force coming down. I see a kind of connecting line between this center and the top of the head. It is a straight line. Is there anything like that?

It means that your psychic aspiration is rising and calls the force down. A connection is formed. At the end all the centres will be connected in that way.

My mind is still active on the old lines. How is it that it does not stop!

The old habit recurs! But it does not matter much as long as the aspiration is able to bring down the force. The mind by itself could not do much; but the force that comes from the Divine is more powerful.

Now, I will be more busy outside with this new work in the archives. I hope it will not disturb me...

It is not an absorbing work!

Of course not, as soon as it is over I forget all about it. But it seems that the work that best suits me is teaching. As regard teaching in the college, the governor has met an opposition in Mr. V…the director.

He is completely in the hands of the priests.

I hope in time to get something there. It would suit me better than the present work.

Saturday, September 25, 1926

Meditation has become easier. It is more substantial, more vivid. Up to now it had always been hard and difficult, a pressure erected by the mind. Now a certain interest is found in meditation itself.

That it has become more vivid is due to the fact that the vital is opening.

The principal fact is that the force comes down to the physical. It is felt by the physical consciousness and the pressure acts especially over the centre of the knees and legs. The pressure is so strong that I am now lying down during meditation. At certain times I feel a pressure above and behind me. It is not a punctual pressure (it is not a single point of consciousness) but I feel it, touch it so to say, not only in relation with the head centre but also with the heart centre. What this pressure is I don't know. It is formless, but gives me a strong feeling of peace, calm and bliss. My feelings are also roused. What is it?

(Smiling) you have to wait and see what is beginning to manifest itself. Do you feel it especially at meditation time?

Yes. But also when I turn my inner touch towards it I can feel it at other times. There is
nothing else to say.

Contd. Page 9

-Sri Aurobindo

Let the divine doors swing wide open for him who is not attached,
who increases in himself the Truth.
- Sri Aurobindo